The Story Behind the Decision Remains

Sometimes I don't understand what happened after this. Live in various expectations, but difficult to make happen. By no means, I'm pessimistic, not but circumstances and facts that are impartial. People say, it's only a matter of time, and everything will be erased by itself. Is it possible that the memories that have been intertwined also dissolve in his tracks? I've felt it, now I'm like in a position that has given up trying to delete it.

If it's a matter of time, why 1, to 2 years it all feels the same. Even dreams, inviting me to make peace like 4 years ago. Once again, I realized and woke up it was just a hallucination/sleep. I thought, why does it have to be like this? Am I wrong, am I the one who decided destiny. Or, indeed this is destiny, but. If fate, why should be met with a storyline like this?

As time passed, everything went well. Mutual denial, among other things. I'm learning to let go, little by little, that's my effort, that's my effort. I think after I do it, the circumstances and what's in my heart will change. Turns out I was wrong, everything is still the same until now. Sometimes I also do not understand, why it could be this long.

Moreover I feel, like I do not see a fault in him. Even though I am aware, and know very well, what is in his mind and purpose, is not something that is not good.

Was it because I was too sure, that my beliefs broke me myself. And now the path is different, both me and him have a different life.

One of us, does not want to hurt anyone.

I don't even understand, everything that's been buried for a long time, and whatever I know. Is this a trap in my mind, or not. Whatever it is, all will not change the situation. Everything will be fine, and I'm sure. One day, both me and him. Will find certain happiness, Even though everything is only visible from a distance.

Jakarta, 10 July 2021.